


Jamilams Ft. Very much angst

by Hamiltalian



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M, Multi, Trans John Laurens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 21:16:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15494877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamiltalian/pseuds/Hamiltalian
Summary: Tw: Self-harm, domestic abuse, nightmares, death in a car accident





	Jamilams Ft. Very much angst

John sighed and laid down, holding his old photo album to his chest. He curled up and closed his eyes, wanting nothing more than to be alone. And that’s what he got for a few seconds. It was just him in the quiet and dark. And then there was a crash.

John’s eyes shot open and he looked around to see that he was in a car, the front half completely destroyed by the tree in front of it, but the back half, where he was, was in much better condition. He heard his heartbeat in his ears as he looked at the front seats and saw his parents, cut and scraped and crushed to death. He felt sick… Slowly, he was able to hear the scene better. Hissing smoke. Glass falling. Metal creaking. And a baby. He looked in the seat beside him and saw a baby crying. And who else would it have been besides himself? He picked him up and held him against his chest, rocking him.

“Shh… You’re okay.. You’re going to be just fine.” He closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to the baby’s head, opening them when he heard a voice shouting in his direction.

“Why are you so annoying!”

He looked up at his ex as he yelled at John and the baby in his hand, his daughter, Frances.

“Can’t you shut her up?!”

“She’s just a baby…” he muttered.

“She’s your stupid baby! This is all your fault! I haven’t been able to sleep in months because of you two!”

John cowered and took a step back. “She’s been sleeping through nights just fine… I swear it won’t happen again…”

“She’ll keep crying because she’s just like you!”

John shut his eyes tight and held Frances close as the vase broke beside his head.

“Just admit I’m right! I didn’t ask for any of this! Screw you, Laurens! You may be a good fuck, but you’re a good for nothing bitch!”

John barely had time to move before the picture frame hit the wall.

“Get outta my sight!”

John dashed up to their bedroom, holding his baby against his chest, and piled his and his daughter’s things into a bag before running out and taking her to his friend Maria’s house.

She gladly took him and Frances in until he got himself together and was able to get himself an apartment. He even got a job teaching again. They say time heals all wounds and, for him, that meant being able to go out and enjoy a night with Maria again. Lee left him too afraid of doing so, of even taking Frances out for a fun day, but he was able to join Maria on a night out, just to a club. It was loud, but John didn’t mind. He stayed along the walls with a simple soda, watching as Maria destroyed any guys that tried to dance into her pants. Then he saw them. Or, rather, they saw him.

Now, most people assumed that Thomas was the one who made the first move, but it was Alexander. He came up to John and started sweet talking him. He was doing a good job at it, too. John’s face was identical to a strawberry and he was wondering what could go wrong after one date when Thomas slid up behind him, wrapping his arm around his waist.

“You were meant to get his number, not get him in bed.”

John furrowed his eyebrows. Who wouldn’t be confused in that situation?

Well, Thomas explained that the two were dating and both had an interest in John. It was like if any other person had asked him out, only it was a couple.

John was hesitant at first, but Maria convinced him and, next thing he knew, he was walking out of a zoo with his two boyfriends of a year and a few months. They were great and they knew almost everything about him. Sure, they always asked why they couldn’t come over to his house, but they accepted it as truth and never pushed him to answer. It was only when John forgot his jacket that they finally learned.

Maybe half an hour after their date, they went back and knocked on John’s door. Surprise was painted all over their faces as John answered the door with a toddler at his feet, one that looked exactly like him, and with… two distinct features that were not there before…

“I can explain..” John squeaked out, his face visibly pale.

“We would hope so,” Thomas tutted.

In the blink of an eye, they were no longer there, but in John’s old living room, the last place he saw his ex, John sitting down while the other two stood over him.

“Were you ever going to tell me?!”

“I can’t believe you!”

“I trusted you!”

“You don’t deserve us!”

And more and more screams of accusations and attacks until John couldn’t take it anymore. He clutched his head and began sobbing.

The next time his eyes snapped open, he was finally awake, gasping to catch his breath. He sat up and put down the photo album. He knew he shouldn’t have been looking through it again… He always had nightmares when he did. Still, as haunting as the memories were, the most haunting was what wasn’t. After all, the reason that this dream hurt him worse than the others, the reason that he was more afraid than he had been was this dream wasn’t true. He never told them any of that and it killed him. But that was going to end soon. He was going to tell them, he just didn’t know when… He stood up, accidentally dropping the album as he stretched.

“Did you hear that? I told you we should’ve gone in sooner!”

“Shut up, Alex!”

John moved towards the door and opened it, finding that his two boyfriends somehow made it into his apartment. “H-How long have you been standing there?.. How did you even get in?..”

“The little girl at the door let us in when she saw us… She said you wanted to be alone, so we waited.. Are you okay?..”

“I’m fine… I don’t know why I’m crying..”

“John-”

“I just want to be alone right now..” He pushed past them and hid himself in the bathroom, silencing his sobs in his sweater. He pulled a box out of his cabinet, a locked one that Frances knew she wasn’t allowed to touch, and opened it, pulling out his razor. He was supposed to tell them. Now they were going to find out on their own. He couldn’t even tell them that he had a daughter after all that time with them. He couldn’t tell them why he couldn’t spend nights with them. He couldn’t do anything right by them.

By the time Alexander was able to pick the bathroom lock, there were red stripes painted all along John’s wrist.

“Shit, are you bleeding?” He went forward and John burst into tears. “Hey.. Hey, what’s wrong, baby? I’m just here to help you, I promise. We’re not mad at you.”

“Just leave me alone! I’m sick of being useless! I can’t be a great parent for Frances or a great friend for Maria or a great boyfriend for you! Thomas isn’t even here! I’m sick of it!”

Alexander moved closer. “No, Johnny, it’s okay… Tommy just wanted to make sure Frances didn’t see anything bad, I promise.. I’m going to help you now..”

John whimpered and shook his head.

“Please?..”

Thomas came in and gasped at the sight, slowly joining Alexander and grabbing a few things from the cabinets before helping John with his arm. “We’re here for you, it’s okay, baby..”

John cried softly.

“Look at me, sunshine. Just breathe, okay?.. Just take some deep breaths. Frankie told me everything and I’m not mad, I promise.”

“Wh.. What did you say?..”

“He’s right. We’re not going to break up with you.”

John sniffled. “But.. But you said you hated me.. You both did.. You were screaming and-and-”

“It was just a dream.. We are not going to leave you and we wouldn’t dream of hurting you.”

“Never in a million years, John.” Alexander kissed his forehead, helping him calm down.

“I can’t… I can’t lose you two..”

“And you won’t,” Thomas reassured, kissing his bandaged wrist. “We’re going to have a calm talk about this when you’re ready.. And we’re going to finish this the same way we started it: together.”

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone interested in commissioning me for one shots can email me at slashgashotaku@gmail.com for details.


End file.
